WTF Cable Company?
Why is it that when I called today to ask why my bill is higher lately, you tell me that I am on the old system, and that you can now lower my bill by $50/month and give me a slew of new channels? Don't get me wrong...I really appreciate this...BUT, if I hadn't called, would have I have been over charged and under serviced forever??? I appreciate you back-dating the lower payment amount for this past month, but how long have I been over paying?? You bought out the old company a long time ago!
WTF Doc?
I go see you with horrible pain from a ruptured disc in July, for which you blew me off and spent about 2 minutes in the exam room with me, causing me to go see a Prompt Care Doc, who sent me for the tests that led me to the ultimate solution for my problem. But when I go see you today to have an old prescription re-written, you spend a half an hour chatting with me about my health? Is it because you feel so guilty about totally mis-diagnosing me and treating me like a drug seeking loser this summer? Too little too late, buddy, I'm still shopping for a new doc.
WTF NetMeeting?
Why is it that you've worked every other time I've used you, but today you wouldn't work for me when I was trying to train our field employees how to use our report system? You just had to do this in front of all of our Managers, but when the person after me (using the same machine with no changes) wanted to show her single document, you worked just fine??? Thanks a lot!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Thank Heaven For Little Sisters
Shortly after I finished my post last night, Little Sister Roomie (LSRoomie for future reference) came in the front door. She asked me why I was being a bum...when she left the house the night before, I was in the exact same position. I started giving her a quick run-down of my failure of an evening (and a marriage and a life), and she said she was really sorry but she needed to get back out to the car, as her boyfriend was in the driveway waiting for her. They were going back to his place to watch SNL with some friends. She asked me if I wanted to go along, but I wasn't hip on being in room full of people I don't know as I really wasn't sure if I was over being upset with myself. I told her I was fine...the pity party was pretty much over, and I was just gonna cuddle up with a bottle of Woodchuck and watch the Palin twins myself at home.
But she went to the car anyway and told her boyfriend that her big sister needed her for a little while. We headed to downtown Bloomington, hoping to find somewhere quiet where we could have a drink and some food...I was starving (always a good sign, cause I can't eat to save my life when I'm upset). The one place we knew of that was still serving food had a $5 cover charge, which meant there would probably be a band playing, which would make it too loud to enjoy conversation. No thanks. Everywhere else was crawling with already drunk bafoons, loud music, and girls who won't wear weather appropriate clothing, preferring to freeze off their little bits...and they had no food. Brilliant youngster that she is, LSRoomie remembered that Lucca Grill was just around the corner...PERFECT!! I always forget about that place and their awesome pizza. The kitchen was closed, but we were still able to order a pizza. And they have Fat Tire on tap, so I had myself one of those and got myself a nice little buzz.
I felt so much better! We talked about my evening in the car, and by the time we got to downtown, I was over it and we spent the rest of the night talking about just any old thing. Even though we live in the same house, we don't spend all that much time together, so it was nice to catch up. It was perfect, really. Even though I was back in my couch potato spot within an hour and a half, it was just enough for me to shake off the cobwebs, remember that I'm not completely heartless, and appreciate sisters (including those not related by blood) and how they always seem to show up and yank you out of your funk exactly at the moment when you need it most.
But she went to the car anyway and told her boyfriend that her big sister needed her for a little while. We headed to downtown Bloomington, hoping to find somewhere quiet where we could have a drink and some food...I was starving (always a good sign, cause I can't eat to save my life when I'm upset). The one place we knew of that was still serving food had a $5 cover charge, which meant there would probably be a band playing, which would make it too loud to enjoy conversation. No thanks. Everywhere else was crawling with already drunk bafoons, loud music, and girls who won't wear weather appropriate clothing, preferring to freeze off their little bits...and they had no food. Brilliant youngster that she is, LSRoomie remembered that Lucca Grill was just around the corner...PERFECT!! I always forget about that place and their awesome pizza. The kitchen was closed, but we were still able to order a pizza. And they have Fat Tire on tap, so I had myself one of those and got myself a nice little buzz.
I felt so much better! We talked about my evening in the car, and by the time we got to downtown, I was over it and we spent the rest of the night talking about just any old thing. Even though we live in the same house, we don't spend all that much time together, so it was nice to catch up. It was perfect, really. Even though I was back in my couch potato spot within an hour and a half, it was just enough for me to shake off the cobwebs, remember that I'm not completely heartless, and appreciate sisters (including those not related by blood) and how they always seem to show up and yank you out of your funk exactly at the moment when you need it most.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
On Again Off Again On Again Off
Well, this time I think it's really over. MrP and I have been going back and forth with our "marriage" for the past year, but tonight was most likely the end. Nothing too dramatic happened...just an attempt to go to dinner which ended up in me asking him to turn around and take me back to my car so I could go home.
I hadn't talked to him since Friday at work when he called to tell me that he had just had his dog put down. Jack had been diagnosed with cancer earlier in the week, and although he knew it was coming, MrP thought he would have at least a few more weeks with his best friend. But, Thursday night, things got really bad, so he had his parents take Jack to the vet for him because he knew he wouldn't handle it very well. Starting last night, every minute I didn't call him the weight got bigger and bigger. He's used to me not calling him on Friday nights because he has his daughter then, and no matter how great my relationship was with her before the separation, I just can't bring myself to be in her life now. I know he'll never understand that, but she wanted to call me Mommy, and losing that once was enough for me. I wasn't prepared to put myself (or her) back into that until I knew for sure we'd make it work. But, it was a time when I SHOULD have called. I should have been there for him and I couldn't bring myself to move.
So, I did what I seem to do a lot lately, which is sit absolutely still and do absolutely nothing. But soon enough Friday night was over and Saturday was getting away from me and my big void. I thought getting out of the house would be a good idea. I could squash the ever growing tension from the lack of communication by just picking up the damn phone, calling him and seeing if we could go DO something. The last thing I wanted to do was sit on either one of our couches for yet another Saturday night. And I thought that once I got over there, we'd have something to talk about, or find something to do that would be fun and maybe I'd feel like this could work.
So, I did call and shortly after, headed over to his place. We decided to go get something to eat, but half way there I started feeling really sad, which isn't something that has happened much lately. It was pretty overwhelming, and I knew if we went into the restuarant, I'd either be totally clammed up, which would really suck for him, or I'd start crying...and being mortified to cry in public, I asked him if he'd turn around.
He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was either depressed or too stressed out (work, money, taking care of a household on my own, this relationship). I told him that I dread more than I look forward to anything in my life right now. His response was to laugh and tell me he'd said the same thing about himself a few times over the past few days. And even though it was the last thing I wanted to say to him during this difficult time, I blurted out that I didn't think I had it in me to make this relationship work. He said something dismissive, which I know is self preservation, but DAMMIT, I don't deserve that shit after everything we've been through, so I asked him to just not talk the rest of the way back. That was the last thing I said to him, and quite possibly the last thing I will ever say to him. I can't even imagine another conversation. What else is there to say? I'm sorry that for the 100th time, I thought it might work and for the 100th time, it didn't.
I guess I can't get past the past. I can't not remember all of the times I was disappointed. No matter how hard he tries, there are still too many things about us that just don't fit. It's not that I don't care for him, but we are too different to try to keep a relationship going, let alone a marriage. He's a good guy, but no matter how much I've tried to deny it over the past year, we are just not a good match. I need more than he can give me and he needs more than I can give him. And I think I'll go insane if I'm left in this limbo much longer, so this absolutely has to be it.
Now I feel like a heartless bitch.
I hadn't talked to him since Friday at work when he called to tell me that he had just had his dog put down. Jack had been diagnosed with cancer earlier in the week, and although he knew it was coming, MrP thought he would have at least a few more weeks with his best friend. But, Thursday night, things got really bad, so he had his parents take Jack to the vet for him because he knew he wouldn't handle it very well. Starting last night, every minute I didn't call him the weight got bigger and bigger. He's used to me not calling him on Friday nights because he has his daughter then, and no matter how great my relationship was with her before the separation, I just can't bring myself to be in her life now. I know he'll never understand that, but she wanted to call me Mommy, and losing that once was enough for me. I wasn't prepared to put myself (or her) back into that until I knew for sure we'd make it work. But, it was a time when I SHOULD have called. I should have been there for him and I couldn't bring myself to move.
So, I did what I seem to do a lot lately, which is sit absolutely still and do absolutely nothing. But soon enough Friday night was over and Saturday was getting away from me and my big void. I thought getting out of the house would be a good idea. I could squash the ever growing tension from the lack of communication by just picking up the damn phone, calling him and seeing if we could go DO something. The last thing I wanted to do was sit on either one of our couches for yet another Saturday night. And I thought that once I got over there, we'd have something to talk about, or find something to do that would be fun and maybe I'd feel like this could work.
So, I did call and shortly after, headed over to his place. We decided to go get something to eat, but half way there I started feeling really sad, which isn't something that has happened much lately. It was pretty overwhelming, and I knew if we went into the restuarant, I'd either be totally clammed up, which would really suck for him, or I'd start crying...and being mortified to cry in public, I asked him if he'd turn around.
He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was either depressed or too stressed out (work, money, taking care of a household on my own, this relationship). I told him that I dread more than I look forward to anything in my life right now. His response was to laugh and tell me he'd said the same thing about himself a few times over the past few days. And even though it was the last thing I wanted to say to him during this difficult time, I blurted out that I didn't think I had it in me to make this relationship work. He said something dismissive, which I know is self preservation, but DAMMIT, I don't deserve that shit after everything we've been through, so I asked him to just not talk the rest of the way back. That was the last thing I said to him, and quite possibly the last thing I will ever say to him. I can't even imagine another conversation. What else is there to say? I'm sorry that for the 100th time, I thought it might work and for the 100th time, it didn't.
I guess I can't get past the past. I can't not remember all of the times I was disappointed. No matter how hard he tries, there are still too many things about us that just don't fit. It's not that I don't care for him, but we are too different to try to keep a relationship going, let alone a marriage. He's a good guy, but no matter how much I've tried to deny it over the past year, we are just not a good match. I need more than he can give me and he needs more than I can give him. And I think I'll go insane if I'm left in this limbo much longer, so this absolutely has to be it.
Now I feel like a heartless bitch.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Been running so long
I've been quiet lately. Just started blogging, then found myself with nothing to say. I get this way when there's uncertainty or confusion in my life. I clam up, become a hermit, lose touch. But even when I'm most quiet, I still find release in music. This pretty much says it for me today. http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/c11097287
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